[HUNGOVER RANT!]

For some of my wittier readers, you'll be thinking "Yeah, it's where your heart should be". Hahahaha funny lol (-_-)

Let me reiterate.

I have a f**king hole.
In my f**king chest.

It's directly above where my heart is, only about 1-2mm diameter, but it's about the same depth and I can see the hypodermis (that's the lower layer of skin, for you non-biologists in the room). I have no idea how it got there, other than the indirect cause being "A night out drinking" with a possible secondary cause of "being a complete dick". It doesn't look like I've been stabbed because it's perfectly round.

I dunno, I'll go to the GP later. Because my healthcare is free. F**K YOU AMERICANS WHO HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT S**T. "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY" BUT GOOD LUCK GETTING A F**KING PLASTER FOR THAT GUNSHOT WOUND. THE DEATH PENALTY, GUNS, NO FREE HEALTHCARE AND AN OBESITY EPIDEMIC. NICE COMBO GUYS. $800 FOR A BAG OF SALINE? I JUST GOT F**KING MRI'D WITH A F**KING FOURTY MILLION DOLLAR ELECTRON-SPIN ALTERING SUPER MAGNET FOR ZILTCH (Not actually, but I have been. Went for a brain scan once. The demotivating thing was the scanner kept saying "No Input")

Apologies for anyone who had to speak to me last night. Looking at you Mikapoofs #Bros4Laife. The keys on my phone were exactly five centimeters to the right of where they should have been. F**king Samsung. Make a phone which can read minds. Don't make me go over there and show you how to do it, because you're in Korea, flights are expensive, and I don't wanna have to eat dog. It's not the best of the alternative meats. Also, that's not racist, I'm just stating the facts.

Also Mikapoofs before you comment about eating weird s**t, you guys eat f**king squid. Like, what is the actual point? They're 99% water. They're like the cucumber of the moving-animal kingdom. When do vegetarians start saying an animal is edible, 'cause I' pretty sure a jellyfish is the line between plant and meat? Because plants are technically animals, they respire, reproduce and do that other thing beginning with R that I should have learnt in biology but didn't. Also, shoutout to CyanCosine for abandoning DA to pursue his ultimate goal to become the most canadian guy ever (When approached for comment on this he just said "Eh"), shoutout to for getting one over on his d**khead of a step-father, shoutout to Latrion for him and his new chick! HOMIIIIEEEEEEESSSS! *Facedesk*,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Actually, a phone which could read minds would be a terrible idea, going on the basis that most humans are complete and utter d**ks. "When Jase was at the table, he was totally texting me aaaaallllll night last night. Aaaaaaannnnnnnddd I don't know if it's a booty call or not, soooooooo what do you think?". "I think you're a f**king idiot" 

F**k the haters. Not literally, they'd enjoy that. F**k them in some unpleasant way.

HOLD THE PHONE

FIVE HUNDRED YOUTUBE SUBSCRIBERS! I'M MAKING A VIDEO OF ME HUNGOVER THANKING THEM ALL!

F**KING STATISTICS!

The most popular pokemon of this week (going by model download):
1st - Pikachu (Ugh, cliche)
2nd - Bulbasaur
3rd - Charisard
4th - Charmander
5th - Mewtwo (No smash bros for you, lol)
6th - Squirtle
7th - Blastoise
8th - Lucario
9th - Venusaur
10th - Eevee

What's the fucking deal with Lucario!?!? It gets a mega-evolution and suddenly we've got fandom's and creepy s**t which I don't wanna even talk about (unlike some people who want to talk to me about it to no end). If it was real, for the record, and you tried doing any of those things, you'd die. Like, be impaled. Either before or after it slashed you to death for startling it. I mean, guys, it's based on a mother f**king Jackal. Y' know... Those vicious killing things? If I had my bow and I saw one, I wouldn't shoot it, I'd GTFO.

Eevee. More reasonable. It's effectively a house fox. I could picture one in front of a fire next to my two cats and a dog. Then it'd evolve into an umbreon and be the same shape, size, and color as my dog (see this s**t right here images.geeknative.com.s3.amazo… ). Realtalk.

LIKE A G6 L-L-L-L-L-LIKE A G6 POOPING BOTTLES IN MY EYES EYES EYES LIKE A G6